The monster in her head
by LisaStriker
Summary: Sequel from "The scars i bear." Shizuru is sick. Despite her high flying status and functionality, she is sick. And sometimes that can lead to horribly wrong things. How will Natsuki and Shizuru deal with these issues that threaten to wreck everything they have built up together? Because, sometimes monsters don't just lie underneath your bed. #sliceoflife #angst
1. Chapter 1

_Hi all, this is the sequel to "The Scars I bear." Although it is not necessary that you read that story first, it would put the characters into perspective more. This is located around 7 years from then. Hope you'll enjoy it! Let me know what you think. And I'm pretty sure most of you can guess what's wrong with Shizuru. Winks. I'll let you all decide :D As usual reviews or thoughts would be appreciated. Happy New Year!_

The sun must be telling the moon stories in whispers. With every passing cloud a sigh from the heavens in their conversation. The streets and the lamps swirled around in a mess of colors, each screaming out at her. Looming over. "We are coming. Await us. Run. Hide. Who do you think you are? How dare you trespass?" She ducked her head and weaved through the crowds of people. "Could they hear her? Weren't they all government agents? Where was she going?"

Someone grabbed her arm. She turned to see the face of a monster and screamed. She tried to tug her arm lose, clawed at the monster in front of her. Grimy wrinkled skin, green eyes the color of alien goo, emanciated with ribs showing out of the side. She, no, it was trying to convert her into one of them. "Nonononono… Get away! Get away from me." She swung her arm around, "I will not be one of you," she spat out. But the grip around her was iron tight and her world swung in dizziness. They were forcing something into her mouth. Something bitter. "No!" she spat it out. She needed something to wash away this sickness in her mouth. As though it was like magic, a bottle appeared before her. She reached for the bottle, gulped down a mouthful, swallowed, and yet the bitterness remained. If anything the liquid tasted metallic to her. The monster was dragging her, through the streets. The rough asphalt hitting the front of her shoes. She heard it mutter, "Come on."

What should she do? Run, but how does one escape this? Her heart was racing as the clammy feeling of ice cold fear ran through her. Why won't they just leave her alone? What did they want? Maybe if she pretended she was dead and it would give up on her. She let herself go limp, silently praying it would release her. She heard the grunt of the monster and yet its grip remained firmly around her. Maybe it didn't believe her. She'll just stay like this, until it gave up. It must be bringing her to its den. Better to pretend to be dead. Who knew what else awaited. She shut her eyes. The darkness, it called out to her, telling her that perhaps ignorance was bliss.

* * *

"You have got to be kidding me. Did you miss the memo? I told you not to overwork her. How many hours has she been at it?" I refrained from screaming into the phone.

"Look there was a case, it was last minute and she needed to be in for the surgery. It was only a single missed dose, she said she'll be fine once she gets home. That it was nothing. I mean she's the best heart surgeon we've got in here, we didn't have a choice. If we had a choice, we would've cut her some slack."

"She had medications in her bag. Was it so difficult to spare her 1 minute to take a single pill. Am I not being clear? Also it was probably two doses. If it was twelve hours in surgery and her mad rush around the clinic on her normal hours, that makes it two goddamned doses. You couldn't think about her health for a minute, that's what I'm hearing you say."

"On behalf of the clinic, I would like to sincerely apologize. We will be more careful in the future. Also, it was a complicated heart procedure, it was 12 hours straight. We couldn't stop in the middle of the operation. I understand if she's not feeling well tomorrow. Please tell her, she doesn't have to come in tomorrow or even the day after. I'll have the other staff take over."

The woman on the bed turned and let out a soft moan, tossed restlessly. Her honey blond hair spiked out in disarray.

"Yeah yeah. " I lost all interest in shouting over the phone, when I saw her move. "Whatever. Bye." _Seriously? I could listen to the lame excuses all day. And then I'll grill them and fry their excuses like yakitori, skewer them into little bits. But I didn't want to spoil whatever working relationship she had with them._

I pressed the down call button and placing the portable phone on the tabletop. I moved quickly to sit on the bed.

I ran my hand over her forehead, sweeping her hair to one side, tucking the wisp behind her ear. With a random tee shirt that I picked off the floor, wiped away the sweat on her brow. The room was freezing cold, yet the beads of perspiration ran freely. It pained me to see her in so much distress, but there was nothing I could do. Her eyes were closed, her face slack and relaxed, yet from the disturbed tossing and the occasional groan, I could tell whatever dreams she was having were not the least pleasant. It was surprising what time had done to someone like her.

"Shizuru," I whispered. "Hey."

She turned over on the bed, "No, no. Not true. Don't…" she whispered.

"You're fine, you're safe. It's okay." I wanted to wake her, but I stilled my impulse to shake her.

She must have been so exhausted after an extended 12hrs in surgery on top of her usual hours. Yet, to be caught in such nightmares, I didn't know which was more tiring. To wake her or not? It seemed like the devil and the deep blue sea.

I finally settled on letting it run its course. Call it the coward's escape, but I'd rather she be caught in the nightmare than to be awake and yelling at me as though I was the monster in the room. That would be almost too much to bear.

Getting off the soft sheets, I treaded over to her bag and fished out her phone. The battery life was a glaring two percent so I plugged it into the charging port. I flipped through her songs to pick out one of her favorite more soothing jazz pieces. Lowering the music till it was a soft delicate background; I left the phone on the bed stand and went to prepare dinner in case she woke hungry.

The kitchen felt glaringly empty. I debated over what to cook and figured something nutritious and easy to go down would be about right. Porridge seemed the most fitting. Tossing rice into the cooker, I heaped boiling water on it. My raid through the freezer turned up two pieces of chicken breast which I promptly ran under the tap before tossed them into the microwave. Upon selecting the defrost option, the lights lit on and with a humming sound, the Lazy Susan in the machine started going round. Two minutes. Two whole minutes, passed as I stood there feeling helpless. I caught my gaze going back to the room with its ajar door.

Sighing, I retrieved the flopping pieces of lukewarm chicken breasts, dashed some soy sauce and seasame oil over it. Leaving it to marinate in the bowl, I rummaged around in another drawer. Retrieving a sprig of spring onions, I started chopping them up with a vengeance. Mincing the pieces smaller and smaller.

Whipping out a burnished pot, i dashed a tablespoon of oil in, set it on the stove while I tossed the pieces of chicken in, taking time to sear the edges. While people were fine with bland tasteless shreds of chicken in their porridge, I was a firm believer that a bowl of porridge was an already sad dish to eat. If anything, the chicken should be decently tasteful. Once the pieces of chicken were nicely seared, I turned the fire off and checked the rice pot. Not done.

So I washed my hands under the tap and decided that it wouldn't hurt to check in on her again.

Standing in the doorway with my apron still on, I watched her. There was something impossibly vulnerable about her curled up in the middle of the bed fast asleep, unaware of the world.

I noted that at least she seemed to have fallen into a state of peaceful rest. No more fitful turning, just the quiet serenity of someone at peace. Time must have ticked by like that, because the lid of the rice cooker trembling in its place shook me out of the reverie. I turned away, hefted up a scoop and started spooning heaps of mushy rice into the pot by the stove. Adding a dash of water, I turned the heat to low and put the glass lid back over the pot.

Feeling decidedly better, I powered up my laptop and sat myself on the sofa. While I would have preferred the bed, I didn't want to risk rousing her. Opening Solidworks on the computer, I loaded one of the files on my desktop. Despite finishing a degree in Life Science, I found myself drawn innately towards engineering and design. In the end, I ended up designing and innovating medical devices, the best of both worlds.

Currently I was working on a flexible thermoelectric module that could run cold when plugged into a power outlet. If i succeeded in working out the finer details, I would integrate this technology into ankle and knee supports. Then the world could kiss goodbye to cold compresses that were chunky and constantly falling off. Kiss goodbye to icepacks that needlessly dripped water over everything, making the floor a mess and annoying an already injured person into cleaning up before he or she slipped on the treacherous pool of condensed water and found themselves with more injuries than they began with.

The problem lay in the design, of channeling the cold and heat into two separate sections that wouldn't interfere with each other. Also current designs were not flexible enough to be integrated into the kind of soft supports that someone would want to wear comfortably. But that didn't mean it was impossible.

It was difficult to concentrate with the soft jazz music coming from the room. I was tempted to jam my earphones in but I wanted to be there when she got up. I considered it undying love that I left my earphones on the table by its lonesome self.

We often ribbed at each other because of our stark differences in music. While I preferred post alternative rock, Shizuru was more of a classical and jazz music person. And if there was a genre I hated, it would've been classical and jazz. Till today, I can't decide which I disliked more.

It was close to two hours later before I heard rustling sounds of the sheets. Setting my laptop down, I cautiously approached the room, careful to not go to near the bed.

"Shizuru?"

Her eyes blinked open bearily. The dark circles under it a testimony to her exhaustion.

I saw the look of relief in her eyes as she made me out. Immediately, I rushed nearer and picked up her hand in mine.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Natsuki, it's you. Were you…" she coughed. "I…how did I get here?"

I took the cup of water that I'd placed by the bedside into her hands.

She pushed herself up and took a sip, cleared her throat.

"Found you on the way home. Had to lug you back."

She smiled, the kind of soft smile I was so used to seeing. "You're not it. I'm so glad to see your face." She reached out with one hand and cupped my face with it. Leaning forward she touched her lips to my cheek.

I held her in my arms for a couple of seconds as she rested against my embrace. "Sorry to break up the moment, but you need to take your meds."

I picked the brown tablet off the medication box by the table and passed it to her.

Without hesitation, she popped a tablet and swallowed it. "Thanks. I'm sorry. I was so busy. I didn't mean to miss it. I thought it would be fine. Sometimes I miss a dose or two and nothing happens."

"Yeah I know. But you were tired and stressed, that would have probably factored in."

"There was a surgery. This guy with heart problems. His vessels were so fragile they kept breaking up. That's why we took so long."

"I know, I called the hospital."

She gave me a horrified look. "Oh no, you didn't."

"As a matter of fact, I did."

"How many of them are dead?" she asked seriously.

"3 of them. Your assistant, the boss and the random small fry who answered the phone. I barbequed them and skewered them onto small little wooden sticks in my mind."

"Natsuki!"

I smiled wryly at her, "Nothing happened. I just called and told them off nicely, without shouting and with minimal cursing. Don't worry, I didn't want to affect your working relationship with them. I held back."

"Oh. That's good then. What happened to me? I remember I was walking back and the lamps, the streets, they were chasing after me."

Catching the back of her head in my hands, I brought her into an embrace and settled my head on her shoulders. "Ah, well I went to get you because you texted that you were on the way back. And I saw you looking rather disorientated two blocks or so from here. When I took your arm, you started screaming at me."

She closed her eyes. "The monster. It was you. I mean, I thought it was you. I…I'm so sorry Natsuki."

"No, no, don't apologize. I tried to give you your medicine, you spat it out. So I dropped one of the sleeping pills in my bottle of water and gave it to you. You struggled almost all the way back home. But you fell asleep somewhere along the way."

"Pretend to be dead," she murmured.

"You what?"

"I thought you were a monster, I pretended to be dead. Didn't fall asleep till much later."

"Oh, I see." How afraid must she have been to have to pretend to be dead. I couldn't fathom that kind of fear. Still, I could see the traces of guilt making its way onto her face and decided to change the subject.. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

"I made porridge, would be good if you ate something," I suggested. "I am guessing your last meal was probably a long time ago."

"I don't even remember anymore. I guess a small bowl will do."

I wonder if she said that just to allay my feelings, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Her face was slightly on the pale side and a meal would do her wonders. I left to prepared two bowls, sprinkled some spring onions on the top, poured some soy sauce onto a small dish and brought it into the room. I found her sitting upright, resting against the headboard of the bed, phone in hand. The room was now silent with no jazz music floating in the air.

I slid the tray of food across the bed. "Oh thank God. I almost died from the music."

She sent me an offended look. "It's awesome."

"Yea, yea about as awesome a trip to hell and back."

"And still you turned it on for me," she pointed out.

"Doesn't mean I have to like it," I retorted.

She looked away. "Thanks Natsuki."

"It's okay." I flopped down gently next to her. Waited as she looked at the opposite corner of the room. "Porridge?" I suggested tentatively for lack of a better thing to say. The awkward silence hung in the air.

To my horror when she turned around, I saw pools of liquid welling up in those crimson eyes. "I…I hate this. I don't want to be like this." She brought her fingers up to press against her eyes.

"Look at me. It's not your fault," I said gently.

"It's…It's like a monster living inside me. If I could be stronger, maybe this wouldn't have happened."

"You know it's not your fault. Sometimes these things happen."

"I just. I just hate it. Always being on medication. Needing you to look out for me."

I gathered her clenched fist into my hands. "But with medication you have a decent quality of life. I mean you're one of the best freaking heart surgeons around here. You're not a failure simply because of this illness."

"What if, one day, I get an episode during a surgery. One day, someday, someone's going to die because of me."

"That precisely why you take your meds even if you don't like. And if that day comes, then we'll think about it then."

"It'll be too late by then," she said in distress.

"But it hasn't happened. The what if's in the future can stretch on forever. You've got this under control. It only happens when a dose gets skipped or when the intensity of stress is too much."

"That's precisely the problem. If I could handle the stress better, none of this would happen."

"It's not your fault. It may be your body's fault, but it's not yours. Look, you're a doctor, stressed people fall sick more easily right,. There's that cortisol thingamajig. If they could handle stress better, maybe they wouldn't fall sick. But people fall sick from stress all the time, it's called being human."

"I need to get better," she protested.

I leaned over to kiss her. "And you will get better with medication. One day if it goes away, then it goes away. Till then, you're not a burden to me. I love you exactly the way you are. You save so many people's lives every day, if you're not stressed that'll be weird. You're stressed because you know the weight of someone's life. That doesn't make you weak, it makes you someone strong." I raised an eyebrow at her, "So…Porridge?"

Wiping away the tears, she laughed. "You must be very desperate to get me to eat it."

"Of course, unless you get back your energy, I can't do funny things to you," I said jokingly.

Her brows lifted in surprise. "Wow. Are you hitting on me? Who are you? And what have you done to my wife?"

Unwittingly, I blushed.

She leaned forward to kiss me full on the mouth. Her soft warm lips pressing against mine as her tongue brushed the insides of my mouth. For a whole 10 seconds, all I could think of was the closeness of her warmth. She smiled into the kiss as her lips curved around mine. "I'm already looking forward to getting better," she murmured.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry this took awhile. I think like every writer, we all have slightly sensitive egos. When some bad reviews came in, i hopscotched awhile. I think one thing the years have taught me is to be open to feedback and that you can't please everyone. Also i have certain goals in mind when i write and reasons for why my plot goes here or there. And people may not like it, but everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Thanks to those who left lovely reviews on this story and even for those that left the bad reviews, i read it and I appreciate the time you take the comment (: You guys are the fuel that keeps me burning. Enjoy~

A little update on my personal life, I'm starting a new research job soonish (any guesses for the kind of research i'm doing? :p) , so hopefully i'll try to get some chapters done in advance so the updating doesn't go too slow.

* * *

"Where are you going?" I murmured blearily. I squinted one eye open and closed it as light filtered in. "Why are you dressing up?"

In a white blouse with her beige lingerie showing, she deftly buttoned up the shirt, checked herself out in the mirror. Straightening the bottom by tugging, she inspected herself in the mirror again. "Morning love," she turned around.

Her hair was still wet, falling down in wavy lines across her face. There were little splotches of water on the shoulders of her crisp white blouse.

I motioned her over.

Shizuru raised her eyebrow and moved nearer. I noted that the minimalistic digital clock behind her read 8.30am. I made another 'come closer' gesture, so she leaned over.

Half sleepily, I reached out to undo the buttons on her well ironed and pressed shirt. "Get back in here," I muttered.

"I would love to." She tilted her head to the side, gave me a smile. "But I have work."

"Lady Assistant said you don't have to go in. Can take a day or two off, she's got you covered." I frowned. "Didn't I tell you that last night?"

"You didn't mention," she chided.

"Kays, I just did." I yawned and stretched.

She caught my wrist in her grip and flashed me that wicked smile of hers. "Ara, in that case," she drawled. "I can think of some things I would love to do. Maybe you can assist me with that?" she asked suggestively. Placing her knees on either side of me, with my hand still trapped in her grasp, she leaned forward, her crimson eyes burning with all the intensity of a predator.

"I'm barely awake," I muttered.

"All the better. It would be a rousingly good way to wake up." She traced her fingers over my jawbone.

"Oh my god. The puns. I'll give it to you."

"Of course you do." She ran her tongue over my ear, tracing the contours and flicking the sides.

I shivered at her touch. "Can I at least wash out my mouth?" I asked struggling out of her grip to sit up.

She snagged the bottle on the bedstand and passed it to me. I took a swig and swallowed, sent her a grin as I pressed my mouth against hers. I registered her slight surprise but she hid it well. Pressing her hands against the headboard of the bed, she kissed me long and deep. Taking her time, she slowly explored every inch of me. Her hands were caressing, touching me gently and bringing me higher.

This was the luxury of time we rarely had. Between her shifts and my odd working hours, we had to contend with little bits of connection we could find amidst the busyness.

I took my time, soaking in the warmth of her against me, her sinewy body under that delicate pale skin of hers. I could hardly attribute her long standing hours and surgeries for such a build. It was the hours she spent training in the Dojo whenever she could squeeze it in. Reaching up, I cupped her face in her my hands.

She stilled and her eyes bore into me with an intensity that caused my soul to tremble. I was gazing into her soul, into her very essence. I could see the strength within those crimson orbs, strength that bore the weight of lives every day and the compassion to see each moment through. I saw the eyes of the person I love and that hadn't changed given something close to a decade.

"I love you," I murmured.

Her eyes lit up. It was not that she was unknoweth to the fact or unfamiliar with these words.

"I love you," she said simply.

That was a reply very like her. To have added anything to those 3 words would have diminished its impact. It would have taken less humility. Yet, again and again, she would lay down everything of herself for this love.

I ran my hands over her body as we kissed. Brushing over, kneading her nipples in my hand that hardened at my touch. Sliding along her soft supple skin.

She was touching me, stimulating me, and I could feel my wetness seeping down as her fingers traced my entrance in soft swirling feathery motions. And then her fingers entered me, sliding in smoothly. I gasped at the feeling the fullness as she drove her finger into the hilt. In slow deliberate motions she pushed in and out. Her palm was thrusting against my clitoris with every push.

Blind from the pleasure, I slipped my hands down, past the waistband of her panties and found her. Rubbing in circular motions, I found her nub, and watched as with every passing of my finger pad elicited a moan from her.

I watched the crimson eyes glaze over as she reacted to my touch by thrusting her fingers harder into me. Her palm was hitting against my pubic bone as she strove to go deeper into me.

My fingers are slick as I tease her to the edge only to stop when I hear her breath hitch in my ear. "Oh God. Natsuki," she moaned.

I tried to control my breathing as she continued to pump in and out of me, but I was determined not to come till I had her like putty in my arms.

I resumed, dancing my thumb lightly across her clitoris and she groaned. Meanwhile, her fingers were deep inside me pushing upwards on my walls, digging deep into that sensitive spot in me. I could barely think at her administration.

I slid one finger into her, and then the second. She stiffened and stilled her movement. I could feel my walls contracting around her, as she gripped me tightly with hers. I paused, waited, counted to 10 as I saw her struggled to grasp whatever control she could.

Almost as though we both read each other's mind, her fingers resumed their in and out as I started to vigorously mimic her. Slowly, then harder, faster, rotating, pushing. Finally we reached our peak together, I shuddered just as she collapsed on top of me, her fingers still inside me. We lay there spent for a couple of minutes, simply holding the other.

"That was good," I murmured. "I'm awake now."

Her tinkle of laughter filled the room and she wriggled her fingers in me instead of taking them out. I groaned. "Not again. I'm so sensitive."

She kissed my sweaty cheek. "Whyever not? It's not like I've got anything pressing on now."

She took her fingers out and traced the lips of my opening. I could feel the pool of my wetness as her already soaked fingers danced around my sensitive and enlarged clitoris.

"Really?" I asked.

"It's not every day I get to spend so much time with my wife. Besides you could just enjoy it," she smirked.

"I just came!" I protested.

She winked at me. "Don't you trust how good I am?"

"I don't really want to answer that," I grumbled.

Leaning down she took my nipple into her mouth, flicked her tongue over the areole. Suckling hungrily on me, she ran her palm over the other nipple. The roughness was a stark contrast to the soft wetness of her mouth. I found it strangely arousing.

Her other hand traced my entrance, careful to not over stimulate my already sensitive clit. Pushing the sheets down, she moved down the bed. With her tongue she licked my belly button. Then moving even lower, she ran it delicately over my clit lightly.

Electricity shot straight through me at that. Soon, she started to bombard me with sensations. Artfully, she swirled and sucked on me. Her tongue lightly probed my entrance as she danced over my clit. Sucking and tapping with her tongue, slowing and speeding up as though she was acutely aware of how I was feeling. It was almost as though she was punishing me for leaving her for on the edge so many times. Which in all honestly; was not below Shizuru.

I was panting, grasping the white sheets in my fist as I struggled against the outpour of stimulation. And still she persisted, chasing me to the edge, playing with that small nub and withdrawing. Waiting for my breaths to even out before going again. Finally, when I could no longer take it, a simple touch of her tongue sent me spiraling. The contractions rippled ferociously through me as I lay there caught up in an orgasm so hard it blinded me.

I could felt her shifting her torso up the bed and knew she was studying my face. I opened my eyes to see her clear crimson eyes and a satisfied cat like smile on her face. I knew she clearly enjoyed watching my face as I climaxed. Almost involuntarily I tugged the sheets higher.

"Where do you hide that libido of yours?" I asked.

"Hmmmm... Do you really want to know," she purred.

I snaked a hand over the back of neck and pulled her close. "I changed my mind. No actually." Cuddling close, she snugged up against me.

"How do you feel today?" I asked.

"Good. My head is crystal clear. The exercise helped."

"Urm. Okay. That's good."

We stayed in quiet comfort, taking in each other's presence. Time passed like this until the growl of my stomach shook me out of it. I rolled over. "It's 10ish," I announced,

She twisted onto her side to check the clock. "So it is. Maybe I should go in and check on my patients."

"No," I stated resolutely.

"It'll just be for a short while," she insisted.

"We've gone through this before. Stop being a control freak and a workaholic, the world will not stop if you take a break for a day. Nobody will die, and there will be no fires, and the world will not come to a standstill. Stop feeling guilty for taking a day off. You deserve it, so act like you deserve it."

She sighed. "You're right. I'll cook breakfast. Any preference?"

"Pancakes? Bacon? Eggs?"

"Is that a three choose one or all of the above?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Depends on what you can find in the fridge."

"Sure." She shrugged out of her pants and donned the kimono that hung on the back of the bedroom door.

I flopped out onto my belly and retrieved my phone and started to go through my emails. Work mails. Work issues, which she would address later. The good thing about this job was the luxury to work from home. As long as she submitted the design on time and produced work that was good, the company had no qualms about their employees never showing up for work unless there was a meeting.

"Natsuki, there's no more bacon," her voice echoed from the kitchen.

"Pancakes will do then."

"Alright," she yelled back.

I heard the mixer grinding, not long after, the sizzle of what I presumed was butter on the pan. I could only wonder at her efficiency. If it were me, it would have taken a good 10 minutes locating the recipe, another 10 finding the things I needed and another 20 messing up the kitchen.

Rolling out of bed, I stepped into the bathroom to take a shower. When I exited the room, I found Shizuru reading the papers. The sheets were sprawled on the table as she spooned a bite of pancakes laced with butter and maple syrup into her mouth. Unconsciously, she shifted the papers to one side as I sat down at the table. At least she knew how annoying it was to have the top edge of the papers wave in front of your face every time you turned the page.

"Economy looks like it crashing in US," she commented

"Hard not to when they're a few trillion in debt," I replied.

"Had it coming. Medically, they're covering their people too much. Not that I'm being mean, but that comes at an economic cost. Besides a trillion is an impossible to come out off."

"In the first place…Mmm the pancakes are really delicious and fluffy. I mean a government that doesn't give people benefits don't get voted in. Implement changes like this and you get to stay in power for alittle longer. When it collapses, you let someone else deal with that shit. Term's over anyway. Can't hold the seat forever. "

"I suppose so. Do you have any work that needs to be done today?" She peered over the top of the papers.

I found those questioning red eyes impossibly adorable. "Not urgently. Have some design issues with the ankle strap but doesn't have to be done today," I replied.

"We could go out," she suggested.

"Where to? I have to shoot a couple of emails then I'm set."

"We could take a drive up to the cliffside. Have lunch at the café there. Take a stroll."

"Sure, no problem. Although," I lifted up my fork which had a slice of a pancake balanced on it, "Late lunch maybe? I'm going to gorge myself on the stack of pancakes you cooked."

"Two thirty?" she questioned.

I am reminded of how she task oriented she is. She simply has to know the exact timing. Whereas, I am fine with spontaneous things like 'Let's go out some time, anytime, soonish.'

"Two thirty it is then," I confirmed.

She got up gracefully, setting her empty plate aside. Checked her watch and sighed. With soft steps, she placed her dirty dishes in the sink before heading to the bedroom.

I frowned, shrugged it off. "Don't forget to take your meds," I called out at her retreating back.

"I know," she replied stiffly.

It was almost half an hour later that I was done with the pancakes and finished toweling the dishes. I stepped into the room to find Shizuru seated on the bed reading something on her laptop. "Research papers?" I queried.

"Mmmm…"

I peered over the edge of her screen caught sight of the word "Schizoprehnia" on the headings and a vague description of the prefrontal cortex of the brain.

Almost too casually I asked, "So, any new breakthroughs."

She shook her head gently. "No ground breaking ones."

I caught sight of the pill box that was missing its Thursday dose and was assured that she'd taken it. In general Shizuru did not struggle with a compliance issue, however at times she did demonstrate unhappiness or resistance toward medication. This was made all the more ironic by the fact that she was a doctor.

I declined to probe further into her all too regular checks on research papers regarding the cure/medications for Schizophrenia. I understood that perhaps this was her idea of hope. They say that hope exists in all sorts of places. And perhaps for her, that was where her hope lay. That one day she would be cured of an illness that knows no discrimination. No matter how healthy, no matter what race or how much you were the definition of a 'good' person, it didn't discriminate. One could blame a person on drugs for Hepatitis or HIV. Although in a sense, perhaps the illness was punishment enough, human nature dictated that when one could blame something, it felt more justified. One could easily tell someone who smoked a pack a day and was diagnosed with lung cancer that 'he had it coming.' But for the times when illness struck without rhyme or reason, it seemed only more tragic. Almost as though a higher being took pleasure in robbing you of health.

I booted up my computer and sat beside her. Deftly, I typed out the emails that I needed to. When that was completed, I subtly slid a look at her screen.

 _Mitral valve repair. A comparison between porcine/bovine versus mechanical valve made of Teflon. Problems and possible complications._

On a minimized tab I saw the electronic version of a patient's record. I let it slide. I more or less expected it. If she couldn't go in, she would be doing it electronically.

She slanted a glance at me and ever so astutely asked, "Stalking me?" In turn, she blatantly peered at my screen to see my autocad file open.

"If you're going to screen shouldn't you be more subtle about it?" I muttered.

"Is that the ankle strap?" she asked.

"Yes."

She frowned, "How is it going to fold?" Using my fingers, I tapped on the screen and swiveled it. "Like this, and over this and that."

"That's the typical design of any ankle strap. But there's the problem of left and right handedness."

"If you reverse the ankle strap it fits on the other leg," I explained.

"I know. But if you do that, and you're using a Peltier module won't it be hot on one leg and cold on the other?"

"Smart." I pressed a couple of other buttons and opened another file. "I will build this in. It's a DPDT switch, it can reverse the polarity of the current. It can then change which side produces heat or cold."

"Oh…That's genius. What does it stand for?"

Because it's Shizuru, i answer. If it's anyone else, this would be a customary question and they wouldn't actually want to know. "Double pole double throw, it acts like a switch."

I can see her thinking about it.

"I think I have a rough idea of how it works. What material would you be using for the strap?" She casually invades my space by tucking her arm in my and shifting the laptop onto our laps.

"It needs to be a good conductor of heat yet thin and flexible. Any thoughts?"

"Molten metal, hmm like mercury but contained in something flexible."

"Oh yeah? What happens if it breaks? And something flexible like?"

She shrugged. "Someone dumb enough might try to eat it. You're the one building it."

"Helpful. So very helpful."

She laughed. "What are some good thermal conductors out there? Consult google perhaps."

"I know, I have been. I'll think about it. What about you and the valves?"

"Nothing much really. Personally I prefer animal valves over the mechanical one. Although it's not as durable, it works better and the patients don't have to take blood thinners. Science needs to catch up. Honestly, being a surgeon or a doctor isn't that great. You're just the workman in the house. You patch things together with what tools you have. Which basically are what the scientist equip you with. Sometimes it's not good enough and they die."

"You can't save everyone," I murmured. "Even the people you love the most."

She looked at me and smiled."Ara, I guess you can't."

"If you count backwards perhaps it wouldn't affect you so much," I commented.

"Backwards?"

"They're all going to die anyway, if you don't do anything they die. If you do something, they might live. In that sense, you get to save someone from death."

"That's a nice way of looking at it Suki, perhaps I'll think that next time." She leaned down and draped her arm around my shoulder.

I could smell the floral and slightly woody perfume of hers, tinged with the lingering smell of faint cinnamon spice that I'd gotten so used to. I take the moment to savor it.

"You make me appreciate life better," she remarked randomly.

"Maybe you can do the laundry today then."

She sent me a scorching look.

I bit back a smile. "Alright. I guess I can do the laundry afterall. Although some help would be dearly welcome."

She sent me a catlike smile. "I'll think about it. Perhaps if its involves something with the washing machine, i'll be more than glad to help out."


	3. Chapter 3

_I have to admit to being a little review starved. I do understand a starting out story definitely receives less reviews compared to a story that is further along. S0, reviews would be appreciated. This is a pretty short chapter but as the previous chapter was rather long. I think I can be forgiven haha. Enjoy guys ~ Hope you all are doing well!_

"The view is marvelous Natsuki."

Illuminated against the backdrop of the azure sky, I thought my heart would stop as I took her in.

Her crimson eyes stared questioningly back at me as she offered her hand out to boost me onto the rock. "Ara, are you alright?"

I blinked. "Yeah, I'm good. Give me a second." Finding my footing among the rocks, I took her hand. She hoisted me up effortlessly. Standing on the ledge, the wind hit harder, almost buffeting me about.

She reached over and wrapped her arm around me. "I…I needed this," she said quietly as she leaned downto kiss the top of my head.

I almost didn't hear her against the roar of the wind and the sound of crashing waves on the rocks below. I caught the slight hesitation in her voice. As a Fujino, she was overwhelming eloquent, strong yet impossibly vulnerable. But now, it seems like that pride of hers has been stripped away by so many things in life.

I found the words that I wanted to say. "You're going to be alright Shiz. I know it feels like it's not going to be. That there's no cure and that if something goes wrong in an operation, everything could just crumble apart."

"It does," she answered steadily.

I know how much it means to her. Yet I have to consider the possibility of things changing. Of bridging a topic she probably doesn't want to consider or talk about. "Have you considered making a life somewhere else, in another profession? You could get out of surgery, just be a GP."

She sighed as she looked into the far away distance, the heavy smell of brine whistling its way around us. "I could Natsuki. But I don't think a part of me will survive. I've always wanted to be a surgeon."

The truth is, I know. I know that all too well. And I think it must be a terrifying precipice to stand on. When the things you love, might be taken away from you. Not by choice but by sheer cruel fate. "Then I believe in you. We'll make this work out. Just keep on taking the meds, if things are stable, nothing will go wrong."

"I hope so."

I gave her hand a reassuring pump as I smiled at her.

She pulled me in closer and rested her head against my shoulder. We stayed that way for a moment -taking in the scenery, watching the seagulls flock over ahead. We let the wind wash away our worries and doubts. In this moment, there is only us. None of the drag of the daily struggles in life that seemed determined to take us down.

She was the one that turned away first. With a graceful leap she hopped off the rock and carefully found her way to the ground. I followed behind. At the car, she turned around and gave me a mysterious smile.

"What?" I asked instinctively. I've had this nagging feeling before. Almost as though I am the prey, affixed in the sight of the predator.

She sprung open the car door. "Nothing, just get in."

The moment I slid into the car, I could tell where the situation was heading quickly.

With stunning finesse, she captured my hands in her and her mouth was on mine. The temperature in car shot rapidly to 40 degree Celsius.

"No, we're not going to do this in the car. There's too many knobs , I'm going to get a bruise from hitting something," I complained.

Her tongue devoured me as she kissed me hard and passionately. Her fingers ran down my chest in an impossibly erotic way.

"Would Natsuki like to change her decision?" she asked.

"No, not really."

"Mmmmm," she licked her lips, ran her tongue provocatively over her teeth as she looked at me with all the burning intensity of the sun. With deliberation she pulled the neckline of her shirt lower.

I sighed and pushed back the car seat. "I'm going to regret this later."

She mirrored my action. "We can regret it together later," she said wickedly.

"Ouch, I've got a goddamn bruise on my elbow." I rubbed at it cautiously.

"I may have an S&M thing," she remarked casually.

"Don't I already know, why are you bringing it up?"

"I mean I enjoyed it tremendously."

I gave her a gimlet stare. "I gather that's zero remorse over the fact that I think I've got another bruise on my knee."

"Both of which you got from banging into the side door and the gear stick. Not really any of my doing. If I had a choice…" she left it hanging and raised an eyebrow at me.

I brought my hand down in a chop at her head. "Behave yourself," I growled. I pushed open the door the café and was greeted by the waitress who beamed at me overbrightly.

"Table for 2?"

"Yea, yea."

She steered us over to a small two seater table by the glass window.

"If it's alright could we sit at that table?" Shizuru asked.

"Of course."

Sliding into the sofa seat at the table for four, she motioned for me to sit next to her.

"They all think it's weird. 2 people sitting on the same side of the table."

She pouted at me. "But how else will I hold Natsuki's hand?"

I rolled my eyes. It's not as though I don't know. This is not the first time and will probably not be the last time she has this seating preference.

I flipped through the menu. "Do you think I should get the Cabonara?"

"Hmmm, there's not enough meat in there to satisfy you," she remarked without looking up.

I stared at the picture. _Was that like a few measily squares of bacon? I mean you can't even call it squares, just finely chopped bacon._ "You're right." I flipped over to the next page. "I think I'll take the baked chicken pasta in cream sauce."

"I'll have the aglio olio."

She waved the waitress over as we placed our order. I could see the tangible happiness in her eyes when they placed a cup of hot green tea in front of her.

There is always that moment. I call it the "Shizuru meets tea" moment. Her eyes light up and you can see the true appreciation as she brings the cup to her lips and sips on it.

On the other hand there is me, me and something like cola. I just drink it. No fawning over its refreshing taste.

Setting the brown mug aside, Shizuru tucked her hand in mine. "Do you remember David?"

"Which David? The-small-boy-you-were-doing-the-operation-on-recently-David?"

"Ara, you remembered. Yes that one. We had to go in for open heart surgery as the hole in his pericardium was too big to fix by a catheter."

"And? Wasn't this like over a week ago ?"

"Yes. He was already discharged awhile back. Anyway, he came back yesterday to the hospital and brought me chocolates."

"Perks of being a surgeon don't you get stuff like this all the time?"

"I do. But he came without his mother. He used his savings to buy me the chocolates."

"Right. I'm sure that's very touching."

She frowned at me. "I forgot you don't like kids."

"No, I mean, that's really nice of him. Small kids are just like aliens. Kinda. Don't know what they're thinking and stuff. So where's the chocolate? You ate it up?"

"It's sitting on my desk. Haven't decided if I actually want to eat it or just leave it as a momento."

"You see, I don't get it."

She tilted her head to one side, "Get what?"

"An adult uses his/her savings to buy you chocolate as thanks and its normal. But a small kid uses his savings to buy you chocolate and suddenly it's a big thing. There's no difference really if you think about it."

"That's a very jaded way of looking at it. The gifts of children are much more pure-hearted than adults. The value of money is much higher for young children. 5 dollars to a child could mean the world, whereas 5 dollars to an adult does not mean as much."

"So basically, if an adult spent like 500 dollars on chocolate for you, you would find it touching as much as a child giving you a 5 dollar bar of chocolate?"

She paused. "Hmmm, probably not. I'll just think it's a waste of money. Good point."

"It's like saying children are pure and innocent and their gratitude is true. If you're an adult you cannot hope to achieve the same kind of innocence or gratefulness than a child has. That's ridiculous. An adult could be highly grateful and I'm sure people are when you save their lives."

"You're right. But your logic is ruining it for me Suki. It's just nicer to get gifts from children."

"Yea, yea. It's nicer for me to eat my pasta with two hands instead of one too."

She released my hand from her grip. "You could have said something. I didn't notice. My food's not here."

I smiled. It's been years but I still like holding her hand.


	4. Chapter 4

It would be another day in the clinic.

Natsuki had left for work early this morning. An occurrence only when there was a meeting scheduled. As such, breakfast became a 'settle it yourself' thing. Natsuki had stopped to run her fingers through hair and kiss her thoroughly before leaving out of the front door. That made it even more precious. She smiled slightly at the memory of that.

Armed with a ham and cheese croissant, she pushed open the door to her office, a small room located on the upper floor of the hospital. Stopping by the boiler, she paused long enough to debate what kind of tea would grace her today. Considering the croissant she'd purchased from the french bakery enroute to work, decided that she would stick to the theme and selected a bag of floral tea. The French were well known for their floral teas, but abysmal when they tried anything other than that. She'd once bought English Breakfast Tea produced by a French company. The maltiness of the tea was so lacking she ended up dipping them in cold water and placing them under her eyes to ease her eye bags.

A glance at the table clock told her, she had approximately 30 minutes left before her first appointment of the day. More than enough time to finish the cup of tea and croissant.

There was a slight tapping on the door. "Dr Fujino, here are the files you requested today."

"Ara, Nina, just in time." She looked up at one of her best nurses and noticed something seemed to be off.

Nina shifted her feet. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Shizuru put down the cup of tea. "As a matter of fact, there is. Could I have your hand?"

The request was met with a wrinkling of the eyebrows. "Er, sure, I can lend you a hand with whatever you want."

"Ara, I meant your hand, literally."

Puzzled, the younger girl stretched out her hand.

Shizuru grasped her wrist gently in her hand and pulled her over till she was standing right at the edge of the table. Tilting her head to one side for a good 15 seconds, she hummed as she the younger nurse stood there awkwardly with her wrist being held.

"Ano?"

Crimson eyes suddenly looked up at her with a piercing intensity. For a moment, she felt like a prey trapped in the jaws of a predator. But it was the smile that didn't quite match those eyes that caused a small frisson of fear to shoot up her back.

Involuntarily, she took a step backwards just as her hand was released and stumbled on her own feet. The same hand that held her wrist now shot forward to catch her.

"Ara, sorry. Was that too sudden?" Shizuru asked concerned. "You didn't look good. I was checking your pulse."

Nina blinked. In front of her sat the Fujino she'd always known. Kind and gentle. And perhaps, if she could choose a word now, it would be non-threatening. The visage that had appeared almost as quickly as it disappeared left her wondering if she was simply imagining thing. "I'm…I'm okay."

"Ara, that's good to know. I was alittle worried." She sat back and brought the cup of tea to her lips. "Thanks for the files." Biting in her croissant, she watched the retreating back of her colleague as the door shut gently behind her. Perhaps she was alittle too harsh. She pondered about that as she chewed on the soft layers of flaky crust in her mouth.

Nina was one of her favorite nurses afterall. Serious, committed although sometimes unpredictable. Although Shizuru generally considered her to be somewhat trustworthy, it probably did little harm to sometimes emphasize the importance of things.

Aside from the director Mashiro and Chie, no one else was privy to the information about her illness. Although the specifics of which were lost on Nina, the nurse did know that Shizuru was on medication. A hint of something like a bad headache or regular migraines were dropped often. In the first place, mental illnesses were highly tricky things, if such information was leaked, there was likely no way she could continue being a surgeon. It seemed like Nina may have had a nagging suspicion that there was likely more at play than the regular migraine card that Shizuru played. Any medication in her bag was placed in a pill box and removed from their outer package such that Nina had no inkling as to what kind of medication it was even if she was the one who passed it to Shizuru discreetly after operations. In that way, even suspicion should remain as merely that. Suspicion.

Besides, the more people that knew, the more at risk she was. She rolled the hot porcelain cup back and forth in her hands. Rather than a case of honesty at stake, it was more of deniability. In order to protect Nina and everyone else under her, they needed to remain constantly unaware or ignorant of the real issue at hand. Mashiro trusted her more than anything else. Despite being one of the best heart surgeons on the planet with many offers to work in prestigious hospitals she had chosen this hospital in a small town because of that woman. Shrewd and yet with a heart of compassion, she trusted Mashiro to protect her when she needed it but more than that, also trusted Mashiro to fire her if she was ever a danger to patients.

It had not always been this case. She had been set to move into a famous hospital in a large city, it seemed like the best way she could put her talents to use. It started off as a case of 'tired eyes.' Sometimes she saw things at the corner of her eyes that weren't supposed to be there. She diagnosed herself as fatigued. Then the whispers in her head started. Strange things moving around. Suspicion led her to diagnose herself with something she never thought she would have to. At first, she believed it would pass. A temporary oversight, too much stress, something a few days of medical leave would solve, except that didn't happen.

Natsuki out of everyone else caught onto it the fastest. At first, it was the involuntarily flicking of eyes to the empty spots of the room that set her wife on the route to finding the truth. Also, when it came to Natsuki, she found herself particularly weak.

"I'm seeing things I probably shouldn't be seeing," she murmured and looked away.

"I suspected as much. Like?" Natsuki asked.

"Shadows."

"Look at me."

"I really rather not right now. There's something wrong with your face."

Perhaps it was a strong sense of consciousness or will mixed with her clinician-like-thinking that saved her from falling to the delusions that gripped her, she possibly would never know, except that she found some sort of sanity to which kept her able to somewhat differentiate that the things she saw, were probably not real.

"Okay." Natsuki replied softly. "Is this some sort of hallucination?"

"Does a hallucinating person know she's hallucinating?"

"Good point. Probably not. What do you think is wrong?"

"Something in my head," she whispered.

"We're going to see a doctor."

"I can't, what if I lose my job?"

"Well…You can't not see the doctor either Shizuru."

The blond hair woman flinched as something dark climbed the ceilings of the room she sat in.

Natsuki followed her line of sight to a random panel in the ceiling. "There's something up there right?" she quietly.

"How do I know if you're real right now? Maybe you're not really here. There's something really wrong with your face," she murmured half to herself.

"Yeah, we're going to see the doctor. I don't really care what you say. You'll be fine. I'm not going to touch you. You look like I'm some sort of really scary monster right now, I'm going to back away. Nothing is going to hurt you okay."

The distorted Natsuki in her vision backed away to the farthest corner of the room.

In some part of her head, it felt like something collided in the middle. If this was real and she was sick and this was the Natsuki she loved, then she couldn't bear to be ever lose sight of her lover. "Call her. She may be able to help."

A soft knock on the door roused her out her thoughts.

"Shizuru?"

That melodious lit in the voice and the use of her first name gave away the identity behind it.

"Come in."

Despite her small and petite stature, she crossed the distance from the door to the table in a few graceful steps. Purple hair flowing past her shoulders that ran down a white dress. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I am thanks." Shizuru cocked her head to one side and looked at her questioningly. She doubted Mashiro would pay her a call simply to ask that.

"You should be more careful," Mashiro stated rather matter-of-factly.

"I will be."

"I'm not quite sure you know what that means." She placed her palms on the table and leaned forward.

The green eyes that locked in with hers weren't the familiar shade of emerald she loved. Slightly blueish - just alittle paler than what she was used to. "I don't really understand," Shizuru replied softly.

"It's getting worse isn't it?"

Shizuru met her eyes steadily. "I've got it under control."

"I'm your doctor. There's no point lying."

"I'm fine, the medication works."

"Not completely." Her mentor and boss paused. "It used to. But it's not working."

"Nothing ever works completely," Shizuru replied wirily.

"You've not been missing any doses deliberately have you? There's nothing quite as bad as non-compliant patients."

"Do you think Natsuki will let me even if I want to? Besides reluctant patient and non-compliant patient are quite different."

"Probably only to someone like you would there be a difference. How bad is it then?"

"Sometimes I see things. Largely occasional and my grip on reality is pretty strong. Nothing enough to make me doubt me."

"Let me know if it gets worse. Don't make it a case of too late, too sorry. There's always other medication. I also really hate to be forced to fire you. You are one of the best surgeons I have afterall," she said casually. She paused. "You're a Fujino, remember that."

Shizuru grimaced alittle at those words inside, but sent back a smile. She hated it more than anything else that her last name seemed to be associated with some sort of characteristic. But knew that those words directed her at her, didn't mean what it quite used to when most people used it on her.

As a Fujino, she played many games. But this was the most dangerous game she was playing and Mashiro knew full well exactly what game she played.

The door shut for the second time and Shizuru sighed. As though one morning could get any harder than this. She collected her thoughts and shut them inside herself neatly. Gathering up the plastic bag of crumbs, she tossed it into the bin and placed her now empty cup by the sink. Locking the front door, she cross over to the adjoining room. One of the perks was that her office room and her clinical room was next to each other. Sitting herself down, she opened the first file. Scanned through it quickly to confirm what it was she needed. Retrieving her stethoscope from the drawer and draping it around her neck, she pressed the buzzer and waited for her first patient of the day.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks guys for still following this really slowly updating story. I really do receive your PM's or reviews and like any writer I live on the reviews. Do drop me some if you like the story (: I always appreciate it. And most of all, hope you guys enjoy it. I know some of your want more 'realistic' problems, but i also would like to point that mental issues are indeed problems that some people really suffer from all these. If you suffer from it, or anyone you know, does, i just want to do a shoutout, that you guys are really brave, and i hope you get better in time (:

* * *

She pressed her fingers to her eyes. She'd just finished the last appointment of the day. Running clinics sometimes wasn't fun. By 'fun', she didn't mean like it like play. Besides, Natsuki always contested her idea of fun. She could almost hear it in her head. _"Hah, the great mighty Shizuru doesn't know what's playing. Playing involves having fun at something. Like computer games. What do you do? Don't say PLAY the piano."_

It wasn't fun because sometimes, or most of the times, you couldn't do anything. Most of the patients walking into the clinic were over 70, with two conditions that very unfortunately contradicted each other. Kidney failure into congested heart disease, or vice versa. When the heart's not doing well, then kidney function is affected. To treat one, can weaken the other. In the end, sometimes, the only thing you could do, was watch them die. Arrange for palliative care, ask them what it is they want, what kind of quality of life could she offer them at such a stage?

In a sense, life satisfaction in patient care was really quite - the quality of life someone had multiplied by the number of years they would live. A patient suffering extremely but would live for a long time, would present a number like 1 x 10 years = 10. Whereas a patient that wasn't quite suffering so much, but would live a short while, would present a number lik years = 10. What this meant was that patient A although he lived for 10 years, would in this time have derived the same satisfaction out of life as someone who only lived for 2 years.

A doctor's job wasn't always just to save patient's lives. Sometimes, it's just to increase their quality of life. Not all conditions that come through the door are lethal, but most of the time, debilitating, disabling.

She would know. She clenched her teeth as the word resounded in her head _'Schizophrenia'._ By no means deadly, all it does is threaten her livelihood, her functionality, her ability to keep her job. A jobless human, would indeed report that his quality of life would be somewhat affected by the illness affecting his functionality. You see this repeatedly in patients with mental illness. Depression preventing them from studying or working well. Anxiety making, the easiest of situations difficult.

Natsuki had gone through it. Growing up with a family like hers, she could see why Natsuki had such a difficult time during University. It occurred to her that she still kicked herself over it. Should have seen the signs earlier, should have been there. She was still a good doctor, enough to subtly train Natsuki out of the mindsets that she'd grown up with. Almost like an act in psychologist whose main goal was rather, to get Natsuki well again.

At that time, Mashiro her senior in college, had pointed out a few things she could say or do to subtly help Natsuki. Almost as though one would consider it therapy, except it wasn't quite that way. Drop a few ideas, be present, listen, and things would slowly get better. In theory of course, that seemed easy. By the journey towards recovery had taken a long time. She knew just how difficult mental illness was to deal with. Even more so when it was an illness invisible to people. Recovery also always meant that relapse was a small step away.

She checked her phone; found that Natsuki had left a text. "Meeting went well! Am back at the cave. Lol. Do you want anything for dinner, I could get?"

Natsuki hated phone calls, but if it was her, then she knew, it was fine. Swiping right, she pressed the call button. A few rings before the connection went through. Lesser than she would've expected.

"Yo."

"Ara, hello there."

"Sup?"

She heard the crackling of a bag in the background. "Are you having chips?" she demanded.

"Well, yes." More crackling.

"What flavor?"

"Ruffles, cheddar and sour cream. I have a seaweed one in the bag too."

"You stopped to buy groceries?" Shizuru asked incredulously.

"Since I was out for the meeting, I figured i might as well. A person's gotta have fuel if they gotta do work. Seaweed's for you. I got some milk in the fridge. I know you like your black tea with those stuff sometimes. You done with work?"

"Pretty much. I'm not on shift today, so seems like I can be home. Do we have any actual _real_ food at home?" She picked up her bag, stuffed the stethoscope from around her neck into the drawer. Straightened the blood pressure machine on her table. She waltzed past the door and noticed that Nina was not at her usual station so she waved goodbye at the other nurses.

"Hmmm."

There was the sound of the fridge door being opened at the other end of the line and Shizuru refrained from smiling. "I don't think there's anything of that sort in the fridge."

"Yeah, I didn't think so either." Came back the droll reply. "You must be tired, I could meet you outside and we can take away some food together and then head back."

"Ara, that sounds good, I'm about 6 blocks away. Just left."

"Whatcha feel like eating?" Natsuki folded down the top of the bag of chips and clipped it with a metal binder clip. Picked up her wallet from the table and fished out the house keys from the basket near the door.

"Korean perhaps? Unless you have some specific sort of craving?" The sun was still in the sky, albeit setting. The streets, well lit, with bustling shops. Office workers leaving their buildings. This town or city, wasn't quite like the rest of the cities in the world. It wasn't big enough to be a major hub for anything, yet it was decently modernized, well equipped with shops, a population decently large enough that there were people but not so much that roads or anything got congested.

"Okay, I'll see you there. It's the one on upper street right? What do you want, I think I'll reach first."

"Get me the kimchi soup and chicken with rice. Roger that. See you in abit then."

"Okays."

She disconnected the line and took her time to watch the streets. Watch the tinkling of bells as someone slid into a shop. The pavements were the usual grey with some worn out cracks in them. The air, fresh, with a gentle breeze. A luxury she only got when she wasn't on shift. The ability to see the streets in the evening after work. Mostly it was the 4am or 6am walk home where the streets were dark and filled with drunks or students smoking on the sidewalks. The other half of the time when she did go back in the evenings, it was at a point of exhaustion where she couldn't appreciate it. So, she strolled down the path. Made a couple of turns to reach her destination.

Through the glass sliding door, she saw Natsuki sitting down at one of the tables waiting with a slip of receipt on the table. Although the restaurant was 80 percent full, she was easy to spot. Her back was facing the door, and those unmistakably beautiful navy hair flowing down over the shoulders.

Slipping through the door quietly, she walked up silently and slid her hand over Natsuki's shoulders, something she was so used to. She felt that mili-second of tension in the body under, and then relaxation.

Natsuki looked up at her. "Heya." That woody-blend of perfume that Shizuru always wore invaded her senses. _How could someone always smell so nice?_ She reached up her shoulder and slid her fingers through the pale slender hand and linked with them. "I ordered already. It should be here soon." Right as she spoke, her receipt number flashed red on the LCD screen. "Well yep. That's ours"

"I'll get it." Stepping forward, she smiled at the lady at the counter as she held out the receipt. "Hi Sarah. Are you feeling better already?"

"Enjoy your dinner doc. Thanks for the medicine you dropped by the other week. My cough is all gone." She winked at the surgeon. "I slipped in some Korean pancake on the house."

Shizuru laughed. "Thanks. Natsuki and I would like that. Bye."

Lifting the packets of food, she turned around. Natsuki pushed back from the chair and met her halfway. Swapping the plastic bag from her left to right hand, she slipped her fingers into Natsuki's waiting hand and walked back home.

Home was a merry sight. The white door of their apartment greeted them as Natsuki unlocked the door.

Shizuru stepped out of her shoes and stepped through the open door. She placed the bag of food on the floor as the door shut closed. She bridged the distance as Natsuki turned around after placing the keys on the small basket near the door and was immediately face to face. Surprise changed into something tender. The predator into the prey. Before she could draw Natsuki into a kiss, Natsuki stepped in and tip-toed upwards and drew her into a kiss. Gentle fingers framing her face, as the kiss deepened. In between the nips, Natsuki spoke. "Oh God, you smell so good."

Shizuru laughed. "You always say that."

"It's true, you smell addictively good most of the time. It makes me hot." Natsuki reached forward and unbuttoned the blouse in front of her.

"Are we really? The food is hot." Shizuru noted objectively.

"So am I. Are you complaining or saying 'no'? Who are you and what have you done to my Shizuru?" She ran her lips over Shizuru's neck, tracing out and down the collarbone. Pushed her against the white wall. Her fingers running down the bra of an opened blouse.

Shizuru gasped as those hands flickered over her nipple. In between the distracted nibble on her neck. "Oh God."

The nipple turned hard beneath her touch and she would assume more sensitize. She pinched it and rolled back and forth. As Shizuru arched against her into her hand. Finally she bent down to pick it up in her mouth. Wet lips, slipping themselves over the mound. Sucking as her teeth bit and tugged at it.

Her fingers found Shizuru wet and slick. Running her fingers back and forth, she went over the clitoris, sliding and then in circles as Shizuru panted against the wall. Her knees buckling slightly.

First what she assumed was a finger, slipped deep inside her. Then two. An impossible slowly thrusting into her as the palm lightly glazed over her clit.

Natsuki watched as her eyes glazed over alittle and as her breath quickened, increased the thrust. Faster, and as her breathing quickened. Stopped.

Ruby red eyes were staring wildly at her. "Ikezu," she panted out.

Natsuki smiled. An evil Machiavellian smile. She simply waited as she felt the walls of Shizuru enclose over her fingers. Edging her closer, she started pumping again, and stopping each time, the body under her tensed.

"Natsuki," Shizuru groaned out.

She slipped her fingers out, ran her wet fingers over the sensitized clitoris. Gently pressing on it, it seemed to almost send Shizuru over the edge. Slipping back in, she thrust her fingers in again, and this time, pumping hard, as Shizuru came in her hands, her weight collapsing onto her shorter lover who then gently lowered both of them to the ground.

Now, lying on the floor Shizuru turned slightly to face Natsuki. "Ara, you better prepare yourself tonight. I'm going to have double the revenge." Her eyes shifted to the drawer past the open door of the bedroom. "I believe we have a few toys I would like to test out."

She watched as Natsuki's face turned as red as the flush on her own. Then smiling, she reached over and pulled Natsuki into a hug. Laid her chin on the head of the other woman. "I love you."

They laid there for a moment, as Natsuki listened to Shizuru's heartbeat and took in her warmth. "I love you too." She murmured quietly after awhile.

Shizuru kissed the top of her head gently. "You know, all those years Natsuki. All the times we struggled so hard, and how hard you fought against depression. I can't begin to say, how strong you are, and how much you and I have made it through. I sometimes, can't tell reality, and still, even then, I know you are with me. Always. So, we'll always get through."

Natsuki pulled back enough such that her viridian eyes met wine ones. " _Atarimai desu yo._ We always get through."


End file.
